So far in my short but eventful career as a mother, I have found proficiencies and strengths that I never knew I possessed: tolerance for other people's bodily fluids, patience to depths I'd never fathomed, the ability to cook with more than one pan, multi-tasking taken to an expert level and finding tremendous joy in simple moments.
But there are some things I am just not good at. Things that I don't even WANT to be good at. And it's hard when that thing is breastfeeding. Because here in Seattle in this day and age, the prevailing sentiment is 'why wouldn't you do the best thing for your baby?' Breastfeeding is nature's intended way and by all means if you are a "good mom" you will embrace it and do it for a year as the books advise. But my first experience with Sidney was crash and burn all the way. Though going into this pregnancy, I thought perhaps it might go better. With a different baby who was closer to term and more robust than Sidney, there was a good chance. But what didn't change from last time was my anatomy which wasn't able to "transfer" milk very well.
Shields up
The lactation specialists at the hospital gave me nipple shields to help Calvin have something longer to latch onto and but it hampered the simulation of milk production. I believe it was partially, if not fully, responsible for my milk coming in so late (Day 7 after birth). That's way too long as anyone who has had a baby knows. Why nature doesn't have milk in the breasts at birth, I will never know. Also, if you have a thrashing baby and they displace the shield, then you are back to fussing with a piece of silicon AND wrestling with a hungry, screaming baby.
Formula, our old friend
Because we were determined to try breastfeeding again, Ken and I soldiered on and of course this poor kid was getting nothing, not even the sacred colostrum--the general existence of which I am still highly skeptical. On Day 5 after Calvin was born, we staggered into the pediatricians' office for his checkup. Ragged from nights spent not feeding the poor boy by rocking him to sleep after he exhausting himself crying, we found out he had lost over 10% of his birth weight, was severely dehydrated and a little jaundice. Deja vu. The doctor said to immediately give him as much formula as he would take to get his weight up and hydrate him. We were more than happy to oblige and raced home to make him a 2-ounce bottle of formula that he wolfed down. We have not stopped giving him formula since. His latch further deteriorated and he made no effort to nurse after that so we gave up but decided to keep pumping.
Battlestar Galactagogue
Our post-partum doula was a big help in trying to stay positive and looking for ways to work with the pump only. I consulted her about how to increase milk production without the baby nursing. She thought perhaps a "galactagogue" (an herbal remedy to increase milk supply) might help. Fenugreek is an example of this. But I didn't need any of it because I realized that if no nursing was going on and the pump was the only way to get the milk out, there would be a huge problem when I was the lone adult in charge of the house and 2 kids. In the first weeks, we had always had a visiting family member (Mom, Angela, Joyce or Dad) plus Ken to help but soon it would only be me and there was no way that I could do it all. So just as a descent milk supply started to established itself, it was time to start thinking of weaning to coincide with Ken going back to work.
I'm a Bad Weaner
I had it in my head that ~6 weeks would be the goal because that was what Sidney ultimately received. Having heard about this aggressive weaning method somewhere, I just decided in week 3 to go about 5 hours between pumpings to start the ramp down when I had originally established an every 3 hour schedule. Of course, I became engorged because weaning like that is dumb. It has to be done gradually and I know that because I've done it before but as a sleep-deprived and desperate individual I could not be trusted to always make sound, reasonable judgments.
Mastitis, anyone?
I advise anyone to avoid engorgement and mastitis at all costs. I didn't cry or lose it for any other reason during this post-partum period but with this mastitis thing, oh I cried ugly. I hated my boobs and wished I did not have them. It hurt so bad but unless you've had the condition you can't possibly fathom how miserable one can become. Just wearing a loose camisole was torture. I also spiked a fever of 102.4 and felt achey all over. After laying in bed for 24 hours going in and out of fever dreams, I called the OB who prescribed me some antibiotics. This worked for a day and then I had another fever spike. She then switched me to a different antibiotic and thankfully that one worked.
Antibiotic nightmare
Incidentally, we had also been giving Calvin the breast milk as I started the antibiotics and we had been told it was safe. But usually women get mastitis and antibiotics when they are weaning an older child, not a newborn who's fragile digestive system is not fully set up. Almost immediately Calvin came down with a screaming case of diarrhea. We immediately stopped giving him the breast milk and double-checked with the pediatric clinic who agreed. But pouring that hard earned breast milk down the sink every few hours was like being punished for the same thing twice. To make matters worse, on day 8 of the day 10 of the regimen, I developed an allergic reaction to the antibiotics which expressed itself in an angry all-over body rash. So I was told by the doctor to stop taking the medicine. That was a few days ago. Gradually the rash is going away thanks to Benedryl, Calamine lotion and time.
The whole time, I felt like something, karma or mother nature, was giving me the middle finger. I realized despite trying to do the right thing, the best thing you can give your child is a sane parent who will make sure all their baby's and any other existing child's needs are met. If all I was thinking about was my painful boobs or a pumping schedule or how much I hate breast feeding, I'm not seeing the big picture or getting the job done.
I do hear from a few moms who admit they supplimented or flipped over to formula after trying and failing/disliking breastfeeding but it's often said a little defensively or as a shameful aside. Even I do that, but I should know after my first experience that it can go sideways very easily so why again would I beat myself up over it? I even threw in the towel a bit earlier this time so I didn't suffer as long in trying to force nursing to work--and that's a good thing. But still there is this self-imposed mental flogging moms do to themselves. Maybe it can't be helped. Despite that, I do have a walking, talking example of what a formula fed kid turns out like. Studies say formula fed kids get sick more often, have higher chances of obesity and aren't as smart as their breastfed contemporaries, but I look at my almost 3-year-old daughter and I don't see that at all. I would take another one just like her in a heartbeat. And it looks like that is what I'm set up to receive.
I wrote about this experience not to necessarily malign breastfeeding or garner sympathy for myself but to commiserate with anyone who has a rough experience with breastfeeding or feels bad about cutting over to formula. I would hope a new mom doesn't feel defeated so much by mother nature but rather empowered by modern chemistry and technology to do the best for herself and her baby. At least we don't need wet nurses anymore.
“Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.” ― Albert Einstein
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Saturday, September 08, 2012
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
37 Weeks: Loading...Please Wait
The blood pressure drama got a little out of control over the weekend and I got to pay an early visit to the hospital. I was seen in OB triage where they ran a few tests, did some monitoring and sent me home a few hours later. Now I'm on blood pressure meds but no other preeclampsia signs which is awesome. The meds make me a little rummy but overall I do feel better.
37 weeks was the point at which Sidney was born so we're all poised and ready for something to happen. The doctors are especially saying that they think this week or next week something will. I've dilated to 3 cm now so clearly progress is being made. I'm glad all these Braxton Hicks contractions are doing something because they sure are annoying.
Ken took these pics at the dinner table tonight.
Monday, July 09, 2012
35 Weeks & Seahorse dreams
Never a dull moment.
So last pregnancy update I mentioned how I'm starting to dilate and efface a little. I was also told not to lift anything or take long walks or exert myself. Those would be easy instructions to follow if I did not spend most of my waking hours chasing a toddler and running a household--but I do. In my infinite wisdom, I folded a basket full of laundry the other day and instead of picking it up and "exerting myself" I decided to scoot it across the floor. I swept it sideways with my leg instead of pushing it straight forward and wouldn't you know it? I pulled a groin muscle. Kind of an important thing to have working properly when pushing a tiny human out of ones body. Delightful.
When I went in to the OB last Thursday, they simply advised hot-cold-hot treatment with ice packs and heating pads. I had not progressed any more in the dilation/effacing department but as a matter of routine they took my blood pressure. It was high and then they took it again several minutes later: high. When I was pregnant with Sidney, in the 37th week, I had a blood pressure spike at an OB visit which was eyebrow raising but anomalous, then 5 days later I went into labor. This time as a precaution, they took a blood draw to see if I had any signs of pre-eclampsia. Luckily it was normal. But they wanted me to buy a cuff and take my blood pressure twice a day then report back at my visit this Thursday. Still, I cannot help but wonder if this was a sign of the end.
Since that visit, the Braxton Hicks "practice" contractions have kicked in with a vengeance. I've even had contractions I've felt in my back which are supposed to be the "real" ones. But none of these contractions are close enough together to warrant a call or run to the hospital. They are just annoying. Early this morning I had sharp pain in my ribs and sternum too. I don't know what to think of that unless I have a baby alien in chest also. We're at 35 almost 36 weeks and that's still earlier than one would want but it's become extremely hard to function. I feel like sleeping during the day yet have lots of energy at night which is totally unfair to Sidney. She's rolling with it but has had to play on her own a lot in the house or backyard because I can't do much.
I've already had to come to terms with the fact that I won't be going to my reunion. The doctor said that the very fact that I'm starting to dilate means I don't get to travel. I accept this but I am not going to be pleased if I have to endure weeks of these practice contractions on top of it. The heat in Seattle has also kicked in. Luckily we are holding in the 70's which is merciful compared to the rest of the country. Still to a pregnant lady who runs hot anyway, slightly cooler temps would be welcome and slightly invigorating. However, this week we are having a heat pump installed which was originally chosen to get us off of burning oil as a heat source but does have another awesome auxiliary benefit: air conditioning.
I really don't mean to sound all "complainy" since I know friends who have had much worse pregnancies and have endured so much more than me. It just gets frustrating when things start to crop up like this while my energy plunges and my activity level become even more limited. It becomes hard to keep perspective and not take it out on those closest to me, like my husband. But it doesn't keep me from wishing sometimes that we were seahorses.
So last pregnancy update I mentioned how I'm starting to dilate and efface a little. I was also told not to lift anything or take long walks or exert myself. Those would be easy instructions to follow if I did not spend most of my waking hours chasing a toddler and running a household--but I do. In my infinite wisdom, I folded a basket full of laundry the other day and instead of picking it up and "exerting myself" I decided to scoot it across the floor. I swept it sideways with my leg instead of pushing it straight forward and wouldn't you know it? I pulled a groin muscle. Kind of an important thing to have working properly when pushing a tiny human out of ones body. Delightful.
When I went in to the OB last Thursday, they simply advised hot-cold-hot treatment with ice packs and heating pads. I had not progressed any more in the dilation/effacing department but as a matter of routine they took my blood pressure. It was high and then they took it again several minutes later: high. When I was pregnant with Sidney, in the 37th week, I had a blood pressure spike at an OB visit which was eyebrow raising but anomalous, then 5 days later I went into labor. This time as a precaution, they took a blood draw to see if I had any signs of pre-eclampsia. Luckily it was normal. But they wanted me to buy a cuff and take my blood pressure twice a day then report back at my visit this Thursday. Still, I cannot help but wonder if this was a sign of the end.
Since that visit, the Braxton Hicks "practice" contractions have kicked in with a vengeance. I've even had contractions I've felt in my back which are supposed to be the "real" ones. But none of these contractions are close enough together to warrant a call or run to the hospital. They are just annoying. Early this morning I had sharp pain in my ribs and sternum too. I don't know what to think of that unless I have a baby alien in chest also. We're at 35 almost 36 weeks and that's still earlier than one would want but it's become extremely hard to function. I feel like sleeping during the day yet have lots of energy at night which is totally unfair to Sidney. She's rolling with it but has had to play on her own a lot in the house or backyard because I can't do much.
I've already had to come to terms with the fact that I won't be going to my reunion. The doctor said that the very fact that I'm starting to dilate means I don't get to travel. I accept this but I am not going to be pleased if I have to endure weeks of these practice contractions on top of it. The heat in Seattle has also kicked in. Luckily we are holding in the 70's which is merciful compared to the rest of the country. Still to a pregnant lady who runs hot anyway, slightly cooler temps would be welcome and slightly invigorating. However, this week we are having a heat pump installed which was originally chosen to get us off of burning oil as a heat source but does have another awesome auxiliary benefit: air conditioning.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
34+ Weeks
Here we are in the final stretch. The doctor says I'm measuring 2 weeks ahead and then at the last visit, she said I was already dilated 1 cm and 90% effaced. This kicked both Ken and I into gear to make sure we are ready (or as ready as we can be). The doctor would like to see us get to 36 weeks at the minimum. I've done some reading on the internet and evidently women can be even more dilated and effaced--and still not go into active labor which makes no sense. But I think we're looking at a July baby here. It adds a whole new unstable dimension to all the plans we have for July. Oh and we're probably going to have a heat pump installed in the next week or two--because, why not?
Sidney is doing well with the immanence of sibling-hood. We've prepared her the best we can and we often talk about what is going to happen. Here are pictures from today of her playfully trying to "bite" my belly. On one hand, I think she is excited and on the other, I don't think she really can grasp how her life will change forever once this baby is born. Well I guess all I have to say to that is she changed our lives so completely and instantly--we're just repaying the favor.
Sidney is doing well with the immanence of sibling-hood. We've prepared her the best we can and we often talk about what is going to happen. Here are pictures from today of her playfully trying to "bite" my belly. On one hand, I think she is excited and on the other, I don't think she really can grasp how her life will change forever once this baby is born. Well I guess all I have to say to that is she changed our lives so completely and instantly--we're just repaying the favor.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Intruder-us in the Uterus: 27 weeks
From the moment we explained that there is a baby in my belly, Sidney has sought to emulate it by putting her teddy under her shirt. Then when little brother started to kick and could be felt by folks on the outside, Sidney would also have her baby kick by shifting it suddenly under her shirt. Finally she announces that her baby will be born in "two minutes" and asks if my baby can be born just as swiftly. It's a lot of fun to share this experience with her and see what she makes of it all.
We have a book called It's Not the Stork which is a primer on how babies are made and all the fun topics that go along with that, appropriately addressed for her age group so she knows some stuff though not everything. But the concept of how the baby gets out was still a little fuzzy. The other day, she wanted to see babies being born so Ken rustled up some birth videos on YouTube and they watched it together. I think at her age, I was also watching birth videos since my mom was a lamaze teacher and I loved it. The footage left nothing to the imagination but it was as natural as anything else. Ken said he even learned something because even during Sidney's birth he did not really get on the "business end" to take a close look. Just a precaution, I forwarded him this link of what to do in case he had to deliver the baby. Let's hope it never comes to that because that means I will not have any medication.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Dear Intruder-us @ 24 weeks
Hey Intruder-us,
You are 24 weeks and there has been a lot going on. Sorry it's taken so long to write to you. As you will discover, the household you are coming into is a busy one. I think you seem to get that since you have been active on all the sonograms and started kicking up a storm at all hours of the night. I call it "uterus Zumba."
We're getting your room all ready since we've moved your sister into her Big Girl room next door. Luckily your room already has a crib, rocking chair and changing table. It also came in blue so we don't even need to paint. Your dad put in a Custom Closet System last week to optimize the storage situation and I've been sorting all the baby clothes & supplies that we had from your sister. I am delighted to say that most of the stuff from the first 9 months is all gender neutral so you are set for clothes at least for that long--not that you're going to care about what you're wearing.
We also got you a brand new infant car seat, which your sister didn't even get (hand me down), bought a new car and even technically bought a new house in preparation for your arrival. I guess I want you to know that because I feel a little guilty that your father and I have not focused on this pregnancy as much as the first. We just don't play music or talk to the belly like we did before and I don't avidly read my pregnancy books nightly to find out what new development is occurring with you. It's not that we don't care, because we do. I eat organic food as much as possible, drink an unconscionable amount of milk for someone who is lactose intolerant and practice prenatal yoga. But both Mommy and Daddy realize we have a lot to get done in the 16 remaining weeks. And mostly, I find myself in a constant state of preparation with your sister. Getting her ready for you. Because you will be the biggest deal (good and bad) that has happened to her so far. And I think household harmony is the best gift we could ever give to you, her and ourselves.
You see, as a big sister myself, I remember what a shock it was when they brought your Uncle Austin home from the hospital. Just so you know, the eldest child goes from being the center of attention to having to yield to a demanding little being who sucks the life out of your parents, just as they start to fire on all cylinders again. It makes the oldest a little mad because 'who asked for this interloper to come into the house anyway?' So we're trying to head that off as much as we can.
Sometimes (actually all the time) I wonder what kind of boy you'll be. I've met a few boys who are like Tasmanian Devils in a China Shop: very high energy, physical, loud and destructive. And I'll be honest, that scares me a little bit. Your sister has spoiled us. I'll just say that because when I compare notes on some of her contemporaries, we've got no room to complain. None. And so that makes me realize, we are not that tested. I believe we have only experienced the tip of the temperament iceberg. If you turn out to be that kind of boy, I guess we'll fortify the glass curio cabinet and invest in some more padding for every other piece of furniture. Perhaps we will also fortify our wine collection because we may need a good dose of that too. But I've also met contemplative, timid and sensitive boys who get toys snatched away from them by clever Sidney. If that's the kid of boy you turn out to be, we're going to need to work on you standing up for yourself because your sister is one self-assured gal and you will have a childhood of angst if you can't balance that out. But I get ahead of myself. Right now it's just you and me floating through life in symbiotic harmony. One thing: can you please tell me why I have never been more thirsty in my whole life? I don't remember feeling like this with your sister. It floors me how much liquid I want to drink all the time. And as a result of that, I need to go to the bathroom constantly. It's crazy.
Everyone is excited to meet you and see what you are like. But there is no need to rush like your sister did. She surprised us 3 weeks early and had jaundice so that was not optimal. But she was a very manageable 6 pounds 8 ounces for a vaginal delivery. So I just want to put in a request that if you'd like to come out slightly ahead of schedule, that's cool as long as you can hold off until July 28 or so which is still 2 weeks early. That way you let Momma go to her 20th High School reunion which is something I really want to attend. (I know, you're like "what's a reunion?" and "what's high school?") Also by skipping over July 26 & 27, you miss landing on the birthday trifecta of your father (26th), Nana (26th) and Ojisan (27th). That would probably be my luck though: my husband, mother and son would all share the same birthday because the other 364 days just will not do.
But seriously, as long as you can hang out in there to term, we'll be happy whatever day it lands on. I just had to put in my request though. You don't get what you don't ask for. Consider that my first piece of advice...of the millions to come.
Love,
Momma
You are 24 weeks and there has been a lot going on. Sorry it's taken so long to write to you. As you will discover, the household you are coming into is a busy one. I think you seem to get that since you have been active on all the sonograms and started kicking up a storm at all hours of the night. I call it "uterus Zumba."
We're getting your room all ready since we've moved your sister into her Big Girl room next door. Luckily your room already has a crib, rocking chair and changing table. It also came in blue so we don't even need to paint. Your dad put in a Custom Closet System last week to optimize the storage situation and I've been sorting all the baby clothes & supplies that we had from your sister. I am delighted to say that most of the stuff from the first 9 months is all gender neutral so you are set for clothes at least for that long--not that you're going to care about what you're wearing.
We also got you a brand new infant car seat, which your sister didn't even get (hand me down), bought a new car and even technically bought a new house in preparation for your arrival. I guess I want you to know that because I feel a little guilty that your father and I have not focused on this pregnancy as much as the first. We just don't play music or talk to the belly like we did before and I don't avidly read my pregnancy books nightly to find out what new development is occurring with you. It's not that we don't care, because we do. I eat organic food as much as possible, drink an unconscionable amount of milk for someone who is lactose intolerant and practice prenatal yoga. But both Mommy and Daddy realize we have a lot to get done in the 16 remaining weeks. And mostly, I find myself in a constant state of preparation with your sister. Getting her ready for you. Because you will be the biggest deal (good and bad) that has happened to her so far. And I think household harmony is the best gift we could ever give to you, her and ourselves.
You see, as a big sister myself, I remember what a shock it was when they brought your Uncle Austin home from the hospital. Just so you know, the eldest child goes from being the center of attention to having to yield to a demanding little being who sucks the life out of your parents, just as they start to fire on all cylinders again. It makes the oldest a little mad because 'who asked for this interloper to come into the house anyway?' So we're trying to head that off as much as we can.
Sometimes (actually all the time) I wonder what kind of boy you'll be. I've met a few boys who are like Tasmanian Devils in a China Shop: very high energy, physical, loud and destructive. And I'll be honest, that scares me a little bit. Your sister has spoiled us. I'll just say that because when I compare notes on some of her contemporaries, we've got no room to complain. None. And so that makes me realize, we are not that tested. I believe we have only experienced the tip of the temperament iceberg. If you turn out to be that kind of boy, I guess we'll fortify the glass curio cabinet and invest in some more padding for every other piece of furniture. Perhaps we will also fortify our wine collection because we may need a good dose of that too. But I've also met contemplative, timid and sensitive boys who get toys snatched away from them by clever Sidney. If that's the kid of boy you turn out to be, we're going to need to work on you standing up for yourself because your sister is one self-assured gal and you will have a childhood of angst if you can't balance that out. But I get ahead of myself. Right now it's just you and me floating through life in symbiotic harmony. One thing: can you please tell me why I have never been more thirsty in my whole life? I don't remember feeling like this with your sister. It floors me how much liquid I want to drink all the time. And as a result of that, I need to go to the bathroom constantly. It's crazy.
Everyone is excited to meet you and see what you are like. But there is no need to rush like your sister did. She surprised us 3 weeks early and had jaundice so that was not optimal. But she was a very manageable 6 pounds 8 ounces for a vaginal delivery. So I just want to put in a request that if you'd like to come out slightly ahead of schedule, that's cool as long as you can hold off until July 28 or so which is still 2 weeks early. That way you let Momma go to her 20th High School reunion which is something I really want to attend. (I know, you're like "what's a reunion?" and "what's high school?") Also by skipping over July 26 & 27, you miss landing on the birthday trifecta of your father (26th), Nana (26th) and Ojisan (27th). That would probably be my luck though: my husband, mother and son would all share the same birthday because the other 364 days just will not do.
But seriously, as long as you can hang out in there to term, we'll be happy whatever day it lands on. I just had to put in my request though. You don't get what you don't ask for. Consider that my first piece of advice...of the millions to come.
Love,
Momma
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Babymoon #2
Just when it starts to be possible to take romantic weekends away, we decide to double-down and have another baby. Ah well. At least we got to take one last indulgent trip by ourselves, also known as a Babymoon. We also took one in August of 2009 before Sidney was born and enjoyed it but I was very pregnant. This time we went when when I was only 19 weeks so walking wasn't so much of an issue and my energy level was better.
Because I am a sucker for a inclusive deals and we needed some place within reasonable striking distance of our designated Sidney-sitters (Mom and Cindy in Portland), we chose the Oregon Garden Resort in Silverton, Oregon. But we didn't know anything else about this place. The deal included the room, one night's dinner, breakfast buffet, spa credit and admission to the Gardens. The spa, the accommodations and the Garden were great, however the food was surprisingly terrible. Surprising since this is a resort after all, they cater/host lots of weddings in the high season and their dining room looks the part of a nice destination.
I initially had high hopes for dinner because my green salad was delicious and signaled a good start but to no avail. We have never considered ourselves "foodies" and Ken will just about eat anything, but despite that we both couldn't believe how bad it was. My salmon was severely overcooked, flavorless and adorned with blueberries (???). It sat atop a plate full of cheesy orzo that had way too strong a smell/taste so I extracted the salmon and deposited it on my bread plate. Ken's seafood pasta dish was regrettably not much better: rubbery, tasteless scallops with uninspired and overcooked vegetables. We held out hope that the apple crumble dessert would redeem the meal but instead they took a "more is better" approach and piled over-sweetened, tasteless apples over even sweeter crumble with ice-cream and a half shaker's worth of cinnamon. So much cinnamon.
Did we complain right then? No, because surrounding us was a restaurant full of patrons who seemed to enjoy their food so much that our neighbors in the next booth were taking pictures of their entrees. (Seriously.) Perhaps that was just one isolated meal, we thought; an off night for the kitchen. But as we talked about it on our way back to the room, we both supposed maybe a) that's why we got such a generous credit and b) perhaps this reflects a lack of discerning taste of the recurrent patrons. An informal poll taken by the talkative musical entertainer in the lounge later that night revealed that most people in the lounge at that moment were from towns quite close to Silverton. So it was plausable.
Next morning's breakfast buffet (also complimentary with our package) confirmed that the kitchen still didn't have its act together and settled for food service of a budget 3-star European hotel. Upon the first sip of Ken's orange juice, he remarked, "Is this Sunny Delight?" Indeed it was. We quickly finished our cardboard-like waffles and reconstituted eggs, deciding that no more meals would be eaten at the resort.
For two people who don't have much interest in gardening or plants, we tend to visit them on vacation a lot (see trips to Canada & Ohio). This time of year, the Oregon Garden was not the most impressive but from walking the grounds one can see that in June, it will be spectacular.
Even now, many birds and wildlife make their home in the garden and they are fearless so you can get pretty close to them.
There is also a delightful area called the Children's Garden with amusing topiary plants, a large sandbox with buried "dinosaur bones", an outdoor train set (runs in the summer), flower pot people and a delightful in-ground Hobbit house. I even tried it out.
Other favorite parts were the sensory garden, trees encased in water filled planters, the fields of daffodils and a resident Loch Ness Monster. While this garden is not as historic as Butchart, it definitely has much to offer and the variety of plants/garden themes was stunning. Definitely worth a visit and only 50 minutes south of Portland.
We drove to a recommended Thai place for lunch in downtown Silverton about 2 miles away from the garden and strolled about the main street looking at some of the cute shops. It was then time to head back to the resort for our spa massages which were so needed and so awesome.
We then headed to Mt. Angel which is the home of a giant Glockenspiel. This Glockenspiel only had 4 times daily that it "played" so we enjoyed some delicious food their restaurant then at 4pm stepped out to enjoy the show. The town of Mt. Angel has a long German tradition and evidently Oktoberfest is a major big deal. This is definitely worth seeing--very unique.
Cindy told us about Silver Falls State Park which is located 15 miles south of Silverton and it was definitely worth our time to go check it out. On our way there, we crossed the 45th parallel (equidistant between the North Pole and Equator), witnessed two horn-less bulls headbutting in a field next to the road (cow fight!) and could not contain our amazement as we passed fields and fields and rows and rows of Christmas trees. Literally, millions of Christmas trees were out there and while it shouldn't be so surprising given the climate, it makes you wonder who buys ALL of these trees? Oh, these people evidently.
We saw Snoqualmie Falls on our last babymoon and so it seemed only fitting to see another waterfall for this one. South Falls was within easy walking distance of the parking lot and it was nothing less than spectacular.
It seems to me, waterfalls are a fitting metaphor for pending parenthood. The inertia of natural forces and free-fall that one experiences in new parenthood can be overwhelming but once you settle into the pool below life begins to flow and calm down.
We ended our adventure with dinner at a Mexican restaurant in Silverton and I checked in with my mom to see if Sidney even realized we were gone. (She did, but was having a ball with the grandmas.) The rest of the evening we spent relaxing in front of our computers. Just the way we like it.
Great weekend but eventually reality must return. We returned to Portland late Sunday morning to fetch our spawn and return to Seattle. Of course, a little time away lets everyone appreciate each other and Sidney was very happy to see us (the feeling was mutual). Special thanks to the grandmas and the supporting cast of adults/relations who made this weekend getaway possible.
Because I am a sucker for a inclusive deals and we needed some place within reasonable striking distance of our designated Sidney-sitters (Mom and Cindy in Portland), we chose the Oregon Garden Resort in Silverton, Oregon. But we didn't know anything else about this place. The deal included the room, one night's dinner, breakfast buffet, spa credit and admission to the Gardens. The spa, the accommodations and the Garden were great, however the food was surprisingly terrible. Surprising since this is a resort after all, they cater/host lots of weddings in the high season and their dining room looks the part of a nice destination.
I initially had high hopes for dinner because my green salad was delicious and signaled a good start but to no avail. We have never considered ourselves "foodies" and Ken will just about eat anything, but despite that we both couldn't believe how bad it was. My salmon was severely overcooked, flavorless and adorned with blueberries (???). It sat atop a plate full of cheesy orzo that had way too strong a smell/taste so I extracted the salmon and deposited it on my bread plate. Ken's seafood pasta dish was regrettably not much better: rubbery, tasteless scallops with uninspired and overcooked vegetables. We held out hope that the apple crumble dessert would redeem the meal but instead they took a "more is better" approach and piled over-sweetened, tasteless apples over even sweeter crumble with ice-cream and a half shaker's worth of cinnamon. So much cinnamon.
Did we complain right then? No, because surrounding us was a restaurant full of patrons who seemed to enjoy their food so much that our neighbors in the next booth were taking pictures of their entrees. (Seriously.) Perhaps that was just one isolated meal, we thought; an off night for the kitchen. But as we talked about it on our way back to the room, we both supposed maybe a) that's why we got such a generous credit and b) perhaps this reflects a lack of discerning taste of the recurrent patrons. An informal poll taken by the talkative musical entertainer in the lounge later that night revealed that most people in the lounge at that moment were from towns quite close to Silverton. So it was plausable.
Next morning's breakfast buffet (also complimentary with our package) confirmed that the kitchen still didn't have its act together and settled for food service of a budget 3-star European hotel. Upon the first sip of Ken's orange juice, he remarked, "Is this Sunny Delight?" Indeed it was. We quickly finished our cardboard-like waffles and reconstituted eggs, deciding that no more meals would be eaten at the resort.
********
Even now, many birds and wildlife make their home in the garden and they are fearless so you can get pretty close to them.
There is also a delightful area called the Children's Garden with amusing topiary plants, a large sandbox with buried "dinosaur bones", an outdoor train set (runs in the summer), flower pot people and a delightful in-ground Hobbit house. I even tried it out.
Other favorite parts were the sensory garden, trees encased in water filled planters, the fields of daffodils and a resident Loch Ness Monster. While this garden is not as historic as Butchart, it definitely has much to offer and the variety of plants/garden themes was stunning. Definitely worth a visit and only 50 minutes south of Portland.
We drove to a recommended Thai place for lunch in downtown Silverton about 2 miles away from the garden and strolled about the main street looking at some of the cute shops. It was then time to head back to the resort for our spa massages which were so needed and so awesome.
We then headed to Mt. Angel which is the home of a giant Glockenspiel. This Glockenspiel only had 4 times daily that it "played" so we enjoyed some delicious food their restaurant then at 4pm stepped out to enjoy the show. The town of Mt. Angel has a long German tradition and evidently Oktoberfest is a major big deal. This is definitely worth seeing--very unique.
Cindy told us about Silver Falls State Park which is located 15 miles south of Silverton and it was definitely worth our time to go check it out. On our way there, we crossed the 45th parallel (equidistant between the North Pole and Equator), witnessed two horn-less bulls headbutting in a field next to the road (cow fight!) and could not contain our amazement as we passed fields and fields and rows and rows of Christmas trees. Literally, millions of Christmas trees were out there and while it shouldn't be so surprising given the climate, it makes you wonder who buys ALL of these trees? Oh, these people evidently.
We saw Snoqualmie Falls on our last babymoon and so it seemed only fitting to see another waterfall for this one. South Falls was within easy walking distance of the parking lot and it was nothing less than spectacular.
 |
| Didn't quite make it into the timed shot. |
 |
| Success! |
It seems to me, waterfalls are a fitting metaphor for pending parenthood. The inertia of natural forces and free-fall that one experiences in new parenthood can be overwhelming but once you settle into the pool below life begins to flow and calm down.
We ended our adventure with dinner at a Mexican restaurant in Silverton and I checked in with my mom to see if Sidney even realized we were gone. (She did, but was having a ball with the grandmas.) The rest of the evening we spent relaxing in front of our computers. Just the way we like it.
 |
| Woohoo! |
Sunday, March 04, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Intruder-us in the Uterus
(Try to imagine the "OK Go" song, Here it Goes Again while you read this.)
So what's been going on with us?
So what's been going on with us?
 |
| Taken 11/29 |
 |
| Taken Monday |
Geez, finally I get to tell people. Those 12 weeks took forever. Do you know how difficult it is to float through the holidays in your first trimester of pregnancy? With all the food around, the questioning relatives and abundance of activities/events/obligations, my advice: wait until New Years to get pregnant. There are lots of September babies because of that. Sidney is one of them. But I digress.
But yes, we are taking the plunge again.
This time around the early nausea was significant but more of the feeling like you're "on a boat all the time" variety. It subsided pretty much at week 10. But the fatigue. Oh the relentless fatigue. I know I had a bit of it the first time but I sat behind a computer for 8 hours a day and then could go home and collapse after work. Nowadays, I don't get the choice and have to be functional and attentive to an active 2-year-old. In the last few weeks, there have been desperate times when I have sprawled out on the couch watching her pull all her toys out into the living room while both of us are still dressed in PJs at 11am and the kitchen is a mess and I'm fighting to keep my eyes open. I don't want to jinx it but I am starting to feel a tad bit more energy returning. Though, I find myself not utilizing her nap times to get stuff done but more to take naps myself.
We've told Sidney that she is going to be a big sister and she understands the concept because she has seen a few friends go through this already. Most notably in our PEPS group. She loves babies and loves to help so I am hoping that sustains her when she is not getting as much attention or energy from us. I remember what it was like going from the "main event" to "having a sidekick" and it was a hard transition for me. One thing that my parents told me (which I will not be telling Sidney at this point) is that this younger sibling would be a playmate. With no concept of time, I expected my little brother to pop out and immediately be able to play dolls or Legos with me. Clearly that was not the case and I was so disappointed that I had to wait 2-3 years before that was even feasible. I know my folks meant "eventually" he will be a playmate but I was put out.
We will find out which gender the baby is this time because I need to know if I need to keep all the girl stuff or not. Also while the first one being a surprise was cool, I am a planner and we are already going to have such a problem with naming so I'd rather eliminate one more thing we have to have options for.
I'm already showing much more than I was at this stage last time. That's totally normal and I've begun to feel some movement and after what we saw on the ultrasound I believe it. The kid has moves like Jagger and was bouncing around like crazy. I hope that doesn't have anything to do with the small amounts of coffee I consumed early in pregnancy. Had to be done.
So yeah, in early August we'll be welcoming this new member. The due date is very close to my 20th HS Reunion so I'm hoping I get clearance to go. They do have hospitals last time I checked in Vancouver but Sidney was born at 37 weeks and the reunion falls exactly when I would be 37 weeks. So it'll be a nail biter.
I'll definitely be writing more about the pregnancy and making lists of things as pregnant women are prone to do. But so far so good.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
The Long and Winding Road
Since our daughter Sidney
I’ve wanted to write about this for a long time—over 3 years or so. But because my husband felt our troubles were a private matter then, I respected his wishes and avoided the topic. But now with his blessing and in the spirit of wanting to give back, I reflect on our ordeal of trying to conceive and stay pregnant...
Background
It’s truly amazing that anyone is ever conceived or born. But when it seems like there are so many “accidental” pregnancies, you might conclude that you could just “wish” yourself pregnant whenever it’s convenient and away you go. According to WebMD, as many as 15% of all couples are infertile or have reduced ability to conceive. Only 1-2% are completely sterile and cannot bear a child, no matter how much medical intervention. They say “half of those couples who seek help can eventually bear a child,” but trying to find the right combination of intervention can be frustrating. Part of it is just trying to figure out where the issue is. Generally 1/3 of infertility is female factor, 1/3 is male factor and 1/3 is unexplained.
2006
It didn’t occur to us in the beginning that getting pregnant would be a problem. We planned to wait a few years after we married and enjoy some time together first. We even put off trying for an extra few months because we were going to Finland
I also felt a little bit of pressure due to my age. This was compounded with the fact that we wanted two children ultimately. As 2006 turned over to 2007, I wanted to step up the effort but was determined to address our lack of results in a 'natural way.' So I began to explore what else was out there and kept Western medical science at arm’s length.
2007
First and foremost, after several months of resisting, I finally bought & read the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. My OB and girlfriends had recommended the book initially and I guess I felt that by getting this book it would “admit” we had a problem. I wish I hadn’t held out for so long. This was the *best* tool to begin understanding what my body was doing/not doing in regards to fertility. By the way ladies, what you think you know about your body from health class is either wrong or a fraction of what you should know. It was a real eye-opener—because women are really only fertile for a 24 hour period each 28-day cycle. (So all that paranoia about getting pregnant before when I didn’t want to…yeah anyway.) One of the best things about this book is that it teaches you how to chart your daily temperatures (taken orally) and symptoms which help you identify ovulation. To know your cycle length and when you ovulate is crucial to hit 'the window of opportunity.'
So, 24 hours of fertility—that’s it. With charts in hand, I thought we were set.
So, 24 hours of fertility—that’s it. With charts in hand, I thought we were set.
But with no pregnancy in the first part of 2007, I was at least able to show my alternative medicine providers some data. I had been under the care of a local acupuncturist for a few years already and asked that “fertility” to be included in my treatment. The acupuncturist also added Chinese herbs to the mix which I took with some trepidation but hoped it would produce results.
By mid-2007, still nothing was happening so I decided to look into Naturopathy which “focuses on natural remedies and the body's vital ability to heal and maintain itself.” (Wikipedia) The first naturopath I saw specialized in fertility and used homeopathic tinctures &remedies. I didn’t feel comfortable running Chinese medicine remedies and homeopathy ones together so I stopped the Chinese herbs. Unfortunately, I never really felt comfortable with that naturopath provider—I felt there was something personality-wise that didn’t fit so I never completely felt comfortable with her. I stopped going to her after half a year.
By this time, Ken also got to join the medical fun times and have an evaluation by a urologist. The results were nothing truly alarming but his sperm count did benefit from taking multi-vitamins and zinc supplements. We noticed immediate improvements after the additions of these things. However, the majority of reproductive science focuses and resides in the woman’s body so even if it had been a male-factor issue, things would have been done to me.
With no signs of pregnancy, in Fall 2007 I signed up for a class/group offered at PNW Fertility called Mind and Body Fertility Program. This was a program developed by folks who studied infertility and recognized how stress impacts the success of conception. It focused on empowering women and their partners undergoing treatment for infertility by teaching relaxation methods, providing a forum to talk about concerns/issues and educating couples on all options leading to parenthood.
By this time, we had also begun doing IUIs (Intra Uterine Insemination) through my OBGYN’s practice. Basically, Ken provided a sample the day before or of ovulation, it went into the centrifuge, they spun up the best swimmers and suspended them in a viscous medium. Upon ovulation day for me, it was injected directly into my uterus, by-passing the often hostile and acidic environment leading into it.
Many of the women in the group had done IVF (in-vitro fertilization) cycles, suffered miscarriages and had been trying for years. The hormone supplements, medication, pain, poking, prodding, lifestyle restriction, 'medicalization' of reproduction and expense, coupled with doubt, fear and feeling like your body has betrayed you, all took a major toll. I admired these ladies’ perseverance and commitment because of all the emotional, physical and financial demands. I was definitely the freshman of the group in terms of what little I’d been through but knew this was a group that would teach me a lot.
The hardest lesson of all became crystal clear: just because you spend thousands of dollars on a cycle and take all the meds and do everything right, it does not guarantee you a viable pregnancy.
Looking around that room each week and thinking about how badly these women wanted to have a child—knowing how much I wanted a child—made the random and accidental pregnancies happening in our friend group (and even among celebrities!) excruciating. To that trend, Ken said, “Fertility is inversely proportional to preparedness.”
(Note: None of us in the mind body fertility group got pregnant while we were active in the 10-week program but in the two years since, four out of the seven of us did eventually have healthy babies and another couple adopted.)
(Note: None of us in the mind body fertility group got pregnant while we were active in the 10-week program but in the two years since, four out of the seven of us did eventually have healthy babies and another couple adopted.)
In late 2007, I tried one last alternative method called Mayan Abdominal Massage before turning to Western Medicine. This method of massage was a little strange when compared to what one usually envisions as massage. It is “a non-invasive massage technique where the abdominal area is massaged to reposition internal organs correctly". This supposedly improves the reproductive and digestive functions and can help with infertility problems.
For all of 2007, I wanted to try natural approaches because I believed if I found the right 'thing' or combo of things, everything would just fall into place. I like to think that all of these methods in 2007 helped get my body ready for the Western Medicine approach. The most important thing for me was knowing we'd attempted to use more natural interventions and methods. But at this point, I was ready to try something else. So in December, my OB gave me Clomid (a drug that helps juice the follicle production to make large, and to Ken's horror, sometimes multiple eggs) in addition to doing an IUI. This was my 6th IUI, but the first one with drugs. And....it worked.
2008
In January 2008, I discovered I was pregnant--in the midst of our major kitchen remodel and Ken training for the Portland Marathon. We were so excited and couldn’t manage to contain the secret before the 3-month verification ultrasound. [This should sound alarms right here] Friends & family had been rooting for us for awhile and my birthday party was just prior to that ultrasound so we didn't see any harm to tell everyone who attended my party since I wouldn’t be drinking. People began congratulating us.
A few weeks later, we went in for our milestone 3-month ultrasound. (The one that assures you with a good amount of certainty that a pregnancy is going well.) I seen pictures of healthy ultrasounds at 3 months on the Internet so I knew what a normal one looked like. The minute the tech put the wand on my tummy and the image flickered on the screen, I knew.
There should have been an image that closely resembled a head and a body of a baby but instead there was just a tiny mass at the bottom of the screen. The tech looked at it for a few seconds, pulled the wand off my belly, then excused herself. Immediately the radiologist came in and confirmed what I was dreading. Apparently the pregnancy had been viable a few weeks earlier when we'd seen it on the ultrasound at the OB ’s office but in that time interval, the pregnancy had terminated by itself.
Devastated, numb and reeling, we made the blurry-eyed walk from the ultrasound clinic to my OB/GYN’s office a few blocks away. Mercifully, this happened during their lunch break so the waiting room was empty instead of being crammed full of swollen-bellied pregnant ladies—a club I learned I had just lost my membership to.
Despite the fact the pregnancy had not been viable for a few weeks, my body wasn’t expelling it. The Dr. said I could (a) wait to see what the body would do, (b) take some pills and go home to pass it with a great deal of cramping and mess or (c) have an outpatient surgical procedure called a 'D&C' which would remove all tissue of the miscarriage. It required heavy sedation and therefore if they we were to do the procedure that day, I could not eat. All the choices were terrible but I chose the last one because I couldn’t bear to “see it” and I wanted this ordeal over as fast as possible.
Even though I was there under the worst of circumstances, everyone at the hospital day surgery center was very nice, things went smoothly and when the anesthesiologist asked me how deeply sedated I wanted to be, I told him, “Whatever gets me able to eat again the fastest.” (At least I still had my priorities.) That was easily one of the worst days of my life but I got to see what my husband was made of and he was amazing throughout. He made those terrible phone calls to our families, close friends and my work place to tell them what had happened. I could not bear to do any of it, so he did it all.
The doctor later explained the fetus probably had a genetic abnormality so we would not have wanted it to come to fruition. I logically knew that and was grateful, but the event fundamentally rocked me to my core. Naturally, I was eager to try getting pregnant again. ‘Get back up on the horse,’ so to speak. Even as early as the day after the D&C procedure, I got my charts back out and was looking ahead to the next IUI cycle.
[Edit: I forgot to mention this when I first wrote this piece: A week after the D&C, my milk came in (?!?). Initially, it was the most horrifying reminder of what I was trying to get past. I'd not heard of this phenomenon before and it was equally alarming and heart-breaking. There wasn't much liquid but I did have to put tissues in my bra. Finally it stopped after a few days.]
I tried to snuff out my grief by gearing up for our next try. After all, we had been able to get pregnant so it was possible. All we had to do was replicate what worked for us and all I needed was for my cycles to restart. But the weeks went by and nothing. It was as if I was stuck in limbo.
[Edit: I forgot to mention this when I first wrote this piece: A week after the D&C, my milk came in (?!?). Initially, it was the most horrifying reminder of what I was trying to get past. I'd not heard of this phenomenon before and it was equally alarming and heart-breaking. There wasn't much liquid but I did have to put tissues in my bra. Finally it stopped after a few days.]
I tried to snuff out my grief by gearing up for our next try. After all, we had been able to get pregnant so it was possible. All we had to do was replicate what worked for us and all I needed was for my cycles to restart. But the weeks went by and nothing. It was as if I was stuck in limbo.
Prior to my own experience when I had heard about people having miscarriages, I couldn’t understand why they got so worked up. It wasn’t even a fully formed baby yet…I thought, just get pregnant again… Yeah, well I realize now, there’s a lot more to it. The loss spawned a flood of introspection and the hormones shredded my composure, causing moments of laughing then crying in the days and months that followed. I was deluding myself when I thought quickly conceiving again would have fixed the pain. With months to ponder, I faced disappointment on that scale I’d never known and I had to do that to move on. I had to know where my limits were in trying to conceive and consider that maybe becoming a parent may look different than what I originally imagined. I even began compiling lists of adoption agencies to have the option...
But by August (5 months after the miscarriage), my cycles finally returned and we resumed what had worked: doing IUI + Clomid cycles through my OBGYN. But after 3 more unsuccessful attempts and the end of 2008 nearing, I decided 3 things for 2009:
- We would seek help from the fertility experts at Pacific NW Fertility [CHECK]
- I would go to Acupuncture NW, a clinic known for supporting fertility success. [CHECK]
- Ken was going to get re-evaluated [DIDN'T GET TO THIS ONE]
2009
OBs are great at taking care of pregnant women and delivering babies but in terms of fertility, it’s not so much the focus of their work. The slightest nuance can make the difference between a pregnancy or not. But in Pacific NW Fertility, we found the right team, treatments and support we needed. Here was our winning strategy:
- My primary care physician caught a slight thyroid deficiency and supplemented me with a low dose thyroid medication before the end of 2008. We're talking, I was still in the normal range but on the low side.
- In the first Clomid + IUI round with the fertility clinic running the show, they moved up (earlier) the timing of both the Clomid intake and the egg release shot. They recommended it based on my age and previous experiences.
- The folks at Acupuncture NW made a comprehensive fertility support plan that transitioned into a pregnancy support plan.
- I read a book right called The Mind-Body Fertility Connection and it really affected me in a positive way. While it hearkened me back to the work we did in the Mind and Body group, it helped bridge the gap of attitude, outlook and working through emotional baggage that could have been 'hindering' conception on some psychological level. I felt that coming to terms with the miscarriage helped lift a weight off my mind and it opened the door for a positive outcome.
So it was in late January 2009 on vacation in the San Juan Islands
Nine months later, Sidney
[Update: We now have a second child with whom we used the exact same strategy and we became pregnant the first attempt that time (continuing Thyroid meds + Clomid + trigger shot + IUI + Acupuncture). I was 38 years old.]
[Update: We now have a second child with whom we used the exact same strategy and we became pregnant the first attempt that time (continuing Thyroid meds + Clomid + trigger shot + IUI + Acupuncture). I was 38 years old.]
I notice many more couples needing fertility support to have babies these days. I certainly remember how lost and clueless I initially felt about what to do when things weren't working. From our experience, there was a lot of trial and error but the main thing to remember is that there are many resources available for infertility treatment and support. Don’t ever feel that you have to wait until years have passed or you are at your wits end to consult with someone. And don’t be afraid to make a change if the provider you’re working with (despite their well-meaning) isn’t giving you the help you need.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
The "Stay At Home Mom" conundrum
You'd think that being a mother in modern times would be a easier. Our generation of women proved we could be anything we wanted to be and many things simultaneously. When we started having babies, it was supposed to be the best educated and best prepared group for motherhood. Yet the guilt, anxiety and exhaustion of trying to fulfill this prophecy made some of our ranks competitive, doubtful and judgy. Lots of discussion started about the "Mommy Wars," pitting women who remain in the workforce against those who stay home. All this rhetoric makes everyone feel defensive and that whatever situation you've got isn't quite good enough.
I'll admit making this decision was not easy for me. For all of my adult life, I worked hard to earn respect and credibility as a highly competent digital media professional. Then all of a sudden, I was on the doorstep of another role I had always aspired to (being a mom). But I had no idea of how being a stay-at-home-mom (or as I like to say "domestic project manager") would fit me or how to reconcile my professional self with being the kind of mom I wanted to be. So I knew I had to get back to basics. While mulling it over, I realized there were just 5 fundamental questions I needed to ask myself.
1. What can we afford financially?
I created a budget in 2007 when we started thinking about a baby and figured out that we could meet our financial responsibilities with one income. Not everyone can do that, I understand. Sometimes it's a matter of living within one's means but for others it takes both salaries to make the mortgage. In this economy most people on the bubble are not eager to jettison the second income. I definitely needed assurance we could do this before I committed to giving up my job. But indeed our life would need to contract and the discretionary spending would have to tighten up considerably. To this day though, I am still feeling my way through our budget and seeing what things really cost. I'll be honest, it's been a challenge to alter the spending behavior of once having had two incomes.
2. What effect will this have on our child?
Before we had Sidney, Ken and I discussed what we liked about our own childhoods and both of us had moms who stayed home in the early years. I vividly remember the comfort I felt when I would be at home with my mom or come home from school & she would be there. Also, she would go on field trips with my classes and would volunteer at the school. I knew that I would want to provide that for our child too.
From everything I have read, the first 3-5 years of a child's life are the most important in setting the stage for confidence, curiosity and a multitude of fledgling skills. Especially since it took great effort to conceive her, I was determined that one of her parents would get the privilege of experiencing these hard-fought milestones.
3. What effect will the decision have on me (my aspirations, my sanity, my desire to be a good mom)?
I wanted a new challenge and I certainly got it. This is the hardest job I've ever done with 10-12 hrs a day including weekends and both physically & mentally demanding. But it has rounded me out as a person. I didn't know I had the compassion, creativity & patience that I do. For me, being a mom at home showed me that.
As for my future in the workforce, I am linked to many of my former colleagues via Facebook, Linked In and keep in touch directly too. While I am most comfortable with high tech, I have also been interested in project management and non-profit work. I look forward to working for a company I believe in when I start again and it could be in any sector as far as I'm concerned. So it's a big question mark what will happen to my career next.
I do miss the constant, daily adult interaction and am amazed at how "small" my world has become. Being interested in technology, things change very fast so I skim a few technical blogs so Ken and I can chat when he gets home about the industry. But I've heard stories about how women who leave the workforce are looked down upon. In terms of my own professional identity, I worked very hard my whole life in school and in the working world to earn the respect of others by delivering results and learning new things. What I hear myself talking about now completely amazes me. Just yesterday I detailed the ingredients of a slow cooker recipe, described Sidney's poop, groused about other mothers at co-op and had a few hours of rambling narrative directed at my daughter about what we were looking at any given moment.
I have joined a few parenting groups, attend foreign language story times and have enrolled us in an infant co-op so that there are things to look forward to & other people to interact with. But most important for Sidney & me, amassing a new community of friends and associates who are focused on raising children.
4. What childcare options do we have?
With the closest immediate family 3 hours away, we would require a non-family member to watch Sidney if I worked. It's very expensive to get good care and naturally competitive with many like-minded parents vying for limited spots. The economy sucks right now but even before, most companies (except some few enlightened ones) really don't accommodate working families. It's short-sighted and forces people to choose job or family.
5. What work options do I have?
It seemed the right timing to ride off into the sunset after my maternity leave. If there was a way to command a completely flexible schedule with minimal part-time hours, I wouldn't mind staying somewhat connected to a workplace but I just don't see it right now. This choice comes across pretty black and white but maybe that's because the American society sees it that way: either you're in the workforce or you're not. Yes, there are people who have situations that are the perfect balance but it's a rare thing.
In my friend Sarah's yearly letter to friends and family, she said this of her pregnancy though I think it could be applied to parenthood in general:
"And your body pulses with a cocktail of new hormones like "relaxin," which while sounding lovely, makes your joints stretch in ways that would impress Gumby. Along with all the physical stretching, though, it's the mind that bends the most. What about my career? My travels? Our ability to feel spontaneous and independent? Pregnancy challenges us to face uncertainty and changes in a life pattern we've come to cherish."
And so my mind is bending to embrace the new priorities as each day passes and Sidney grows up. I feel undeniably fortunate to have this chance to participate and witness it first hand. As Shannon reminded me, though Sidney will not remember much of this time, I will. So I just need to remember that on those rare, tough days when the routine gets a little tedious or the girl is fussy.
I'll admit making this decision was not easy for me. For all of my adult life, I worked hard to earn respect and credibility as a highly competent digital media professional. Then all of a sudden, I was on the doorstep of another role I had always aspired to (being a mom). But I had no idea of how being a stay-at-home-mom (or as I like to say "domestic project manager") would fit me or how to reconcile my professional self with being the kind of mom I wanted to be. So I knew I had to get back to basics. While mulling it over, I realized there were just 5 fundamental questions I needed to ask myself.
1. What can we afford financially?
I created a budget in 2007 when we started thinking about a baby and figured out that we could meet our financial responsibilities with one income. Not everyone can do that, I understand. Sometimes it's a matter of living within one's means but for others it takes both salaries to make the mortgage. In this economy most people on the bubble are not eager to jettison the second income. I definitely needed assurance we could do this before I committed to giving up my job. But indeed our life would need to contract and the discretionary spending would have to tighten up considerably. To this day though, I am still feeling my way through our budget and seeing what things really cost. I'll be honest, it's been a challenge to alter the spending behavior of once having had two incomes.
2. What effect will this have on our child?
Before we had Sidney, Ken and I discussed what we liked about our own childhoods and both of us had moms who stayed home in the early years. I vividly remember the comfort I felt when I would be at home with my mom or come home from school & she would be there. Also, she would go on field trips with my classes and would volunteer at the school. I knew that I would want to provide that for our child too.
From everything I have read, the first 3-5 years of a child's life are the most important in setting the stage for confidence, curiosity and a multitude of fledgling skills. Especially since it took great effort to conceive her, I was determined that one of her parents would get the privilege of experiencing these hard-fought milestones.
3. What effect will the decision have on me (my aspirations, my sanity, my desire to be a good mom)?
I wanted a new challenge and I certainly got it. This is the hardest job I've ever done with 10-12 hrs a day including weekends and both physically & mentally demanding. But it has rounded me out as a person. I didn't know I had the compassion, creativity & patience that I do. For me, being a mom at home showed me that.
As for my future in the workforce, I am linked to many of my former colleagues via Facebook, Linked In and keep in touch directly too. While I am most comfortable with high tech, I have also been interested in project management and non-profit work. I look forward to working for a company I believe in when I start again and it could be in any sector as far as I'm concerned. So it's a big question mark what will happen to my career next.
I do miss the constant, daily adult interaction and am amazed at how "small" my world has become. Being interested in technology, things change very fast so I skim a few technical blogs so Ken and I can chat when he gets home about the industry. But I've heard stories about how women who leave the workforce are looked down upon. In terms of my own professional identity, I worked very hard my whole life in school and in the working world to earn the respect of others by delivering results and learning new things. What I hear myself talking about now completely amazes me. Just yesterday I detailed the ingredients of a slow cooker recipe, described Sidney's poop, groused about other mothers at co-op and had a few hours of rambling narrative directed at my daughter about what we were looking at any given moment.
I have joined a few parenting groups, attend foreign language story times and have enrolled us in an infant co-op so that there are things to look forward to & other people to interact with. But most important for Sidney & me, amassing a new community of friends and associates who are focused on raising children.
4. What childcare options do we have?
With the closest immediate family 3 hours away, we would require a non-family member to watch Sidney if I worked. It's very expensive to get good care and naturally competitive with many like-minded parents vying for limited spots. The economy sucks right now but even before, most companies (except some few enlightened ones) really don't accommodate working families. It's short-sighted and forces people to choose job or family.
5. What work options do I have?
It seemed the right timing to ride off into the sunset after my maternity leave. If there was a way to command a completely flexible schedule with minimal part-time hours, I wouldn't mind staying somewhat connected to a workplace but I just don't see it right now. This choice comes across pretty black and white but maybe that's because the American society sees it that way: either you're in the workforce or you're not. Yes, there are people who have situations that are the perfect balance but it's a rare thing.
In my friend Sarah's yearly letter to friends and family, she said this of her pregnancy though I think it could be applied to parenthood in general:
"And your body pulses with a cocktail of new hormones like "relaxin," which while sounding lovely, makes your joints stretch in ways that would impress Gumby. Along with all the physical stretching, though, it's the mind that bends the most. What about my career? My travels? Our ability to feel spontaneous and independent? Pregnancy challenges us to face uncertainty and changes in a life pattern we've come to cherish."
And so my mind is bending to embrace the new priorities as each day passes and Sidney grows up. I feel undeniably fortunate to have this chance to participate and witness it first hand. As Shannon reminded me, though Sidney will not remember much of this time, I will. So I just need to remember that on those rare, tough days when the routine gets a little tedious or the girl is fussy.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Babies all around!
As I reported earlier this month, we joyfully welcomed the newest Testa (Prince Maxfield) into the world. But we are pleased to announce here that two other couples we love & adore are expecting babies in 2010:
Sarah & Mika (early May)
Sam & Suzanne (late June)
We're letting them practice with Sidney.
Sarah & Mika (early May)
Sam & Suzanne (late June)
We're letting them practice with Sidney.
Sunday, September 06, 2009
Preparing for Baby: Classes
To have a baby these days, it seems preparation is the key. You can read books and watch DVDs but if you are fortunate to have access to classes, by all means take them. Because Ken and I are nerds at heart, we took and are taking as many classes we can. After all, there is something to be said about having the wisdom of others passed on, have the benefit of a live session where you can ask questions and being around other people in the same boat as you.
The hospital system where we are delivering (Swedish) has an extensive "curriculum" that soon-to-be-parents can attend. They even have a grandparents class that sadly none of the Wetus grands will get to take. (But I know the Testas are going to do this so perhaps we will get a report...) If you are eager to learn and interact, it's best to get the Welcome package for a lump sum of $250/couple. That let's you sign up for almost all of the flagship classes and keeps the transactions quite easy. Once you sign up and pay your fee, you just use a code to register online for the classes/times of your choice.
We've taken:
Still to take in the next few weeks:
But one of the most rewarding classes which is not included in the Welcome package is a 2-day workshop designed by John & Julie Gottman of the Gottman Institute @ UW. It's called Bringing Baby Home. It's taught in the Swedish system and is more about how your marriage or relationship is affected by the new baby. You work on tools and skills to help you stay connected with your partner when you are both sleep-deprived, emotionally drained and vulnerable to high relationship dissatisfaction--all of this due to the new addition. Even if you have rock solid relationship, it's a good way to arm yourself with tools and understanding that the challenge of parenthood will place a strain on a marriage. How you deal with that affects not only the couple but the children. We highly recommend it.
The hospital system where we are delivering (Swedish) has an extensive "curriculum" that soon-to-be-parents can attend. They even have a grandparents class that sadly none of the Wetus grands will get to take. (But I know the Testas are going to do this so perhaps we will get a report...) If you are eager to learn and interact, it's best to get the Welcome package for a lump sum of $250/couple. That let's you sign up for almost all of the flagship classes and keeps the transactions quite easy. Once you sign up and pay your fee, you just use a code to register online for the classes/times of your choice.
We've taken:
- Childbirth Preparation class--Planned Cesarean Birth w/Hospital Tour: It's good to know what to expect and some of the nitty-gritty details of this type of deliver. Though they don't tell you "everything." You have to consult close girlfriends for those gems.
- Postpartum Preparation: How it's normal to feel overwhelmed and under the control of "aliens" right after baby is born. But really it has to do with hormones, sleep deprivation and a brand new creature who relies on you for its very survival. Coping skills.
- Newborn Care: Swaddling, diapering, bathing, warning signs and more.
- Breastfeeding: There is a lot more to know about this than you may think. Especially if you want to do this with some level of success.
- Infant Safety & CPR: A very empowering class. To know how to do CPR-- and on an infant even, you feel pretty tough and prepared.
Still to take in the next few weeks:
- Conscious Fathering (Ken only): We've heard many dads enjoyed this one.
- Car-Seat Installation and Safety: 80+% of car seats are installed incorrectly. I know we both have college degrees and astute minds but this is something we have to get right.
But one of the most rewarding classes which is not included in the Welcome package is a 2-day workshop designed by John & Julie Gottman of the Gottman Institute @ UW. It's called Bringing Baby Home. It's taught in the Swedish system and is more about how your marriage or relationship is affected by the new baby. You work on tools and skills to help you stay connected with your partner when you are both sleep-deprived, emotionally drained and vulnerable to high relationship dissatisfaction--all of this due to the new addition. Even if you have rock solid relationship, it's a good way to arm yourself with tools and understanding that the challenge of parenthood will place a strain on a marriage. How you deal with that affects not only the couple but the children. We highly recommend it.
While I did an entry on books earlier, I want to plug a book that just came out that I REALLY like. It's called Baby 411, by the same folks who wrote Baby Bargains. Based on good science, it is straight-forward on all the 1st year topics and very easy to read/retain with no-nonsense chapter about vaccines. Again, it's based on actual scientific evidence, which we respect and will uphold.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Babymoon
Ken and I took a overnight this weekend to go spend some "us" time before the baby gets here at one of our favorite local getaways, the Salish Lodge & Spa. It sits right above the majestic Snoqualmie Falls. There was a bottle of sparkling cider, a little teddy bear and a wedge pillow for my gigantic belly waiting for us in the room. We each got a massage prior to going out for dinner and we ordered dessert from room service. It was a lovely way to officially bid farewell to our days as a duo. And likely the last time in a long while that we'll feel so free to indulge.
A small plug: As someone who has difficulty sleeping in any bed but her own, I have to say the Salish beds are absolutely fantastic. Highly recommended and just wonderful.
We sang a few Beatles songs to the Wetus before we went to sleep and it really seemed to respond. I guess that means I'm going to have to brush up on those songs. Sunday morning we had a delicious breakfast in their dining room, especially the pancakes. But I advise against ordering the 7-course country breakfast--we did that on our first visit in 2003--while tasty, that's just way too much food.
Monday, August 24, 2009
35 weeks
I can't even believe this is me.
Anyway, here we are exactly 4 weeks away from the scheduled c-section and Ken & I are both trying to get ready and read up on parenting, while savoring our free time watching TV, going to movies and staring off into space for minutes at a time (me) / practicing the Theremin (Ken).
Sleep, which we've been encouraged to get as much as possible of, is a welcome respite but like clockwork gets interrupted every 2 hours by my intense need to pee. This has strangely prepared me for the feeling of being roused multiple times at night and still being able to function somewhat during the day. It's also turned me into (gasp) a morning person.
During the hot, hot weather here in Seattle a few weeks ago, I began to get swelling in my feet & ankles. With the cooling temps, that has eased a little but even now, I look down and see balloon-like shapes that are actually my feet. This occurs after sitting too long or tucking my legs under me. There are now only 3 pairs of shoes in my collection that fit me, 2 of which being flip flops.
Speaking of heat, since I run a bit hot these days (as most pregnant women do), I find myself wanting ice in every single drink I have. This is a 180 from what I preferred as a non-pregnant lady. And with that, my fascination and longing for straws is also on the rise. With the shrinking area my stomach is allowed to expand to, sometimes I wish I could just drink all my nutrients. I can suck down multiple tall glasses of ice water and lemonade in a matter of seconds. But I'm not down with those Ensure shakes since I don't think that's real nutrition. I guess I just need to be less lazy.
The vicious cycle of not being very active and then not having very much energy leads me through days of going from one sitting activity to another. While it is comforting to sit, there are times when I harken back to more active times, when I could be on my feet for hours and get a lot of things done.
Yesterday was a surprising exception when we picnicked and strolled with the Testas in a well-kept secret gem of a park called Kubota Gardens, located in Rainer Valley. This garden was the masterwork of a Japanese-American gardener who designed the landscapes of Seattle University campus and the Japanese Garden at the Bloedel Reserve on Bainbridge Island. The family donated this garden to the city of Seattle recently and now it's a lovely park that everyone can enjoy. There was no admission fee and the winding trails and many bridges over the waterways made it a fascinating place to explore. Also having the Japanese-American historical aspect was intriguing to me as well. Evidently neighbors and friends of the Kubotas helped hang onto the land while the family was interned during World War II. That was the one thing I found the most amazing is that the family had not lost ownership/control over the vast property while so many others had been forced to liquidate. It's a lovely place visit and a tribute to the better part of human nature.
Braxton-Hicks contractions & round ligament pain have been on the rise lately. I counter it by sitting on my exercise ball or stretch my lower half by leaning onto something stable and sticking my butt out. Looks downright stupid but feels so good. Wetus is has been "on the move" and seems to like when Daddy talks & sings. Have not consumed any more Dr. Pepper but I'm thinking of getting something chocolate here in a moment since my eyelids are getting very heavy and I could use a pick me up.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Seattle Baby Shower
This past weekend, Amy & Karen threw a Seattle-area baby shower for me and the Wetus at Russell's, a restaurant/reception destination in a converted and charming barn in Bothell. Chef Russell prepared a wonderful, simple summer luncheon menu and the gals attended to details that made the afternoon relaxing and personal. One of the games that stood out as a favorite was where we had to draw a picture of the baby with a crayon while the paper was on top of our head. Made for some great pictures. Mom and Cindy came up for the festivities and many ladies came who I have not seen in a while. It was an honor to have everyone there and the Wetus will certainly not want for anything after this. Check out the extensive slide show for some great shots by Cindy and Mom.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Family/Portland Baby Shower
Over the weekend, we journeyed down to Portland for the family shower thrown by Angela & Mother. They did a fantastic job and all the food, decorations & details were wonderful. We had a great group--mostly family but also some friends from the Portland/Vancouver area. We feel so grateful to have such enthusiastic support for our pending arrival and based on what we received, this kid is going to want for nothing.
Pics by Cindy, Sue & Lori.
Pics by Cindy, Sue & Lori.
Monday, August 10, 2009
33 weeks
Here we are at 33 weeks. It was a hard earned 33 weeks. We've traveled, put the nursery together, taken classes and endured some wild weather.
Today we had an ultrasound and they confirmed that my placenta previa has still not moved nor is it likely to. My doctor made the call that we are going to do a planned cesarean and most likely it will happen on Monday, September 21st.
Being that this possibility has been talked about for months now, I am not feeling upset about the c-section itself. We even took a class a few weekends ago that focuses on c-sections so we feel "informed." But it is a shock that we have a date. Where before it was sort of nebulous and spontaneous, now it seems very scientific and exacting. I think it's also that we realize we have no more than 6 weeks to get stuff done, arranged and organized.
But honestly one thing that is sad to me is that we aren't going to get to have the experience with the doula that I had hoped. But I'm really curious to know what her thoughts are about c-sections and making them an experience that feels connective and magical despite all the medicine & science. I hope to discuss that with her very soon.
But today was special in that they brought out the 3D Ultrasound paddle so we got a good look at the Wetus who has chubby cheeks, a seemingly Japanese/Sakai nose and evidently a long femur bone which means this kid could be tall. Clearly not from me. But Wetus is measuring healthy and things are looking good. When I pat my belly it makes the noise like when you pat a melon. In fact that's what they say the baby is the size of now.
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Wetus Chat
Dear Wetus:
Yesterday we shared a special moment when I introduced you to the wonders of caffeine and high fructose corn syrup in the form of a Dr. Pepper. I know it was a new experience given how little I consume soda and haven't consumed coffee or tea at all during the pregnancy. It's just that with 7+ weeks to go, it takes so much more energy and effort to move my big self around. I was at work, exhausted and it was only 3pm so I had to do something. Hopefully that little jolt was a highlight of the in utero experience and you'll think fondly back on it. You see, I'm managing a big project at work which is due right before you're supposed to be born. I've been telling my co-workers the project baby has to be born before the Wetus baby. (Any help from your end with keeping the birth order as intended is appreciated, by the way.)
Just in the last few weeks, I've seen "big" changes in myself. The swelling of my feet is directly correlated to how hot it is outside which went big time in those 90/100 degree temps a few weeks ago. Until then, I had felt so smug because I hadn't experienced any swelling that most pregnant women complain about--but I celebrated too soon. In addition, I thought I could be one of those lucky ladies who don't get stretch marks but just realized the other day, I didn't win the lottery on that one either. And last but not least, for the life of me, I NEVER thought I'd drink milk again--or in this case utterly crave the smooth creamy texture and taste of it. But indeed this formerly lactose-intolerant gal gets 2 pints of milk at lunch (like I'm back in grade school) and gulps them down with vigor. Look at these amazing changes you've inspired.
Now I don't want this to sound like an excerpt from that shallow, self-indulgent, ridiculous book, The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy. None of these issues are a big deal in the scheme of things. The fact that you are getting bigger, stronger--I can tell by the power behind those kicks--and receiving the nutrients you need is really all that matters (at least that's what I keep telling myself).
We're looking forward to seeing you on the ultrasound again Monday and your Dad & I continue to read books and take a litany of classes. It's funny, the more we learn, the more it seems we really don't know what we've gotten ourselves into. Ah well, we promise to get fully up to speed in 7 weeks--don't you worry.
Much love,
Momma
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)