"Got Milk?"-- the sequel

So far in my short but eventful career as a mother, I have found proficiencies and strengths that I never knew I possessed: tolerance for other people's bodily fluids, patience to depths I'd never fathomed, the ability to cook with more than one pan, multi-tasking taken to an expert level and finding tremendous joy in simple moments.

But there are some things I am just not good at.  Things that I don't even WANT to be good at.  And it's hard when that thing is breastfeeding.  Because here in Seattle in this day and age, the prevailing sentiment is 'why wouldn't you do the best thing for your baby?'  Breastfeeding is nature's intended way and by all means if you are a "good mom" you will embrace it and do it for a year as the books advise.  But my first experience with Sidney was crash and burn all the way.  Though going into this pregnancy, I thought perhaps it might go better.  With a different baby who was closer to term and more robust than Sidney, there was a good chance.  But what didn't change from last time was my anatomy which wasn't able to "transfer" milk very well.

Shields up
The lactation specialists at the hospital gave me nipple shields to help Calvin have something longer to latch onto and but it hampered the simulation of milk production.  I believe it was partially, if not fully, responsible for my milk coming in so late (Day 7 after birth).  That's way too long as anyone who has had a baby knows.  Why nature doesn't have milk in the breasts at birth, I will never know.  Also, if you have a thrashing baby and they displace the shield, then you are back to fussing with a piece of silicon AND wrestling with a hungry, screaming baby.

Formula, our old friend
Because we were determined to try breastfeeding again, Ken and I soldiered on and of course this poor kid was getting nothing, not even the sacred colostrum--the general existence of which I am still highly skeptical.  On Day 5 after Calvin was born, we staggered into the pediatricians' office for his checkup.  Ragged from nights spent not feeding the poor boy by rocking him to sleep after he exhausting himself crying, we found out he had lost over 10% of his birth weight, was severely dehydrated and a little jaundice.  Deja vu.  The doctor said to immediately give him as much formula as he would take to get his weight up and hydrate him.  We were more than happy to oblige and raced home to make him a 2-ounce bottle of formula that he wolfed down.  We have not stopped giving him formula since.  His latch further deteriorated and he made no effort to nurse after that so we gave up but decided to keep pumping.

Battlestar Galactagogue
Our post-partum doula was a big help in trying to stay positive and looking for ways to work with the pump only.  I consulted her about how to increase milk production without the baby nursing.  She thought perhaps a "galactagogue" (an herbal remedy to increase milk supply) might help.  Fenugreek is an example of this.  But I didn't need any of it because I realized that if no nursing was going on and the pump was the only way to get the milk out, there would be a huge problem when I was the lone adult in charge of the house and 2 kids.  In the first weeks, we had always had a visiting family member (Mom, Angela, Joyce or Dad) plus Ken to help but soon it would only be me and there was no way that I could do it all.  So just as a descent milk supply started to established itself, it was time to start thinking of weaning to coincide with Ken going back to work.

I'm a Bad Weaner
I had it in my head that ~6 weeks would be the goal because that was what Sidney ultimately received.  Having heard about this aggressive weaning method somewhere, I just decided in week 3 to go about 5 hours between pumpings to start the ramp down when I had originally established an every 3 hour schedule.   Of course, I became engorged because weaning like that is dumb.  It has to be done gradually and I know that because I've done it before but as a sleep-deprived and desperate individual I could not be trusted to always make sound, reasonable judgments.

Mastitis, anyone?
I advise anyone to avoid engorgement and mastitis at all costs.  I didn't cry or lose it for any other reason during this post-partum period but with this mastitis thing, oh I cried ugly.  I hated my boobs and wished I did not have them.  It hurt so bad but unless you've had the condition you can't possibly fathom how miserable one can become.  Just wearing a loose camisole was torture.  I also spiked a fever of 102.4 and felt achey all over.  After laying in bed for 24 hours going in and out of fever dreams, I called the OB who prescribed me some antibiotics.  This worked for a day and then I had another fever spike.  She then switched me to a different antibiotic and thankfully that one worked.

Antibiotic nightmare
Incidentally, we had also been giving Calvin the breast milk as I started the antibiotics and we had been told it was safe.  But usually women get mastitis and antibiotics when they are weaning an older child, not a newborn who's fragile digestive system is not fully set up.  Almost immediately Calvin came down with a screaming case of diarrhea.  We immediately stopped giving him the breast milk and double-checked with the pediatric clinic who agreed.  But pouring that hard earned breast milk down the sink every few hours was like being punished for the same thing twice.  To make matters worse, on day 8 of the day 10 of the regimen, I developed an allergic reaction to the antibiotics which expressed itself in an angry all-over body rash.  So I was told by the doctor to stop taking the medicine.  That was a few days ago.  Gradually the rash is going away thanks to Benedryl, Calamine lotion and time.


The whole time, I felt like something, karma or mother nature, was giving me the middle finger.  I realized despite trying to do the right thing, the best thing you can give your child is a sane parent who will make sure all their baby's and any other existing child's needs are met.  If all I was thinking about was my painful boobs or a pumping schedule or how much I hate breast feeding, I'm not seeing the big picture or getting the job done.

I do hear from a few moms who admit they supplimented or flipped over to formula after trying and failing/disliking breastfeeding but it's often said a little defensively or as a shameful aside.  Even I do that, but I should know after my first experience that it can go sideways very easily so why again would I beat myself up over it?  I even threw in the towel a bit earlier this time so I didn't suffer as long in trying to force nursing to work--and that's a good thing.  But still there is this self-imposed mental flogging moms do to themselves.  Maybe it can't be helped.  Despite that, I do have a walking, talking example of what a formula fed kid turns out like.  Studies say formula fed kids get sick more often, have higher chances of obesity and aren't as smart as their breastfed contemporaries, but I look at my almost 3-year-old daughter and I don't see that at all.  I would take another one just like her in a heartbeat.  And it looks like that is what I'm set up to receive.

I wrote about this experience not to necessarily malign breastfeeding or garner sympathy for myself but to commiserate with anyone who has a rough experience with breastfeeding or feels bad about cutting over to formula.  I would hope a new mom doesn't feel defeated so much by mother nature but rather empowered by modern chemistry and technology to do the best for herself and her baby.   At least we don't need wet nurses anymore.

“Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.” ― Albert Einstein

Singla, Party of 3

Beautiful Asha Singla was born this morning and we could not be happier for Sam & Suzanne. As for all our new parent friends, we hope the first days/weeks go smoothly. We'll be bringing you some sandwich wraps soon!

Welcome Zoe!

Wilson and Briahna welcomed Zoë Isabel on May 23rd, 15 days later than she was due. But it was worth the wait! I visited the new family this evening to also bring some food to them. Only 2 weeks in and they are calm--looking like pros. Congratulations!

Welcome Andrew!

Our good friends Sarah and Mika welcomed their son, Andrew Owen, on May 21st so I paid them a visit tonight and brought some sandwich wraps (good for grabbing some protein while nursing) and homemade Minestrone soup. The new family is doing great at week 2 and I am so, so impressed with how smoothly things are going.

Testa, Party of 3

UPDATE: Serendipitously, I got to see the Testas today when I was at Ballard Swedish for my Mom's Group! They had just been discharged when I was getting out of my meeting. Little Maxfield is so precious and looks just like his daddy. He is 7 lbs 9 oz and just as sweet as can be. Sidney was in her stroller next to him and I couldn't get over how much bigger she is. At 15lbs, she is double his size but it's incredible to realize how much babies grow in such a relatively short time. Shannon told me her harrowing birth story of 36 hours of labor that ended in a C-section, but she looked amazing for having experienced that. So exciting! A whole-hearted welcome to Maxfield Kenneth Testa who arrived Monday 12/7/09 to two of the coolest people on the planet who are going to be awesome parents. I don't know too much about Maxfield yet but from the look of him, he's going to give this world a run for it's money. Congratulations Sean & Shannon!!!!

Elman, Party of 3

We want to wish our Bay Area friends Josh & Clover (who share the same wedding anniversary with us) a hearty congratulations on the birth of their daughter, Sierra. She was born today (11/11) so she & Sid can start an exclusive club for partially Asian girls whose dads used to work at RealNetworks and birthdays are the same month and day number.

Sidney's Birth Story

One month ago today, Sidney was born. So I think it only fitting to finally compile her birth story. Ken was taking notes as the event unfolded so all of his words are in blue. The rest is me. 9/8/09

6AM Kali's water broke! We scrambled to pull our stuff together. (Kali's bag was already packed, mine was quick thanks to her list & prep). Three weeks early, but full term & we're excited to welcome The Wetus to our world. We're in the hospital getting checked up initially--there's a possibility of natural birth if the placenta has moved...something we weren't prepared for! Getting ready to do an ultrasound to check. Cindy is nurse attending to us, very nice. 9AM Unexpected turn--Kali's showing all signs of preeclampsia, so we won't be able to use Anna (our doula) and they'll likely give Kali magnesium sulfate to help keep her calm & prevent seizures. We can possibly choose between natural or Cesarean, but we haven't prepped for natural birth, so Kali's a little reluctant to go that path w/o a doula. Contractions ~7 minutes apart. Kali is falling asleep. Dr. Foltz will deliver the child--she recommends natural birth (vaginal) and will allow Anna to doula--Kali's blood work apparently checked out fine and her blood pressure is coming down some. Getting ultrasound now to see if placenta has moved away from the cervix...technician thinks so, but need doctor's assessment. Lights are low, no phone/computer/stimulating devices, needs to be quiet for concern of preeclampsia/seizures.

(Kali's note: These concerns were never founded and were the over reaction of our nurse. It was actually more stressful to envision these limitations and then after the blood work came back within normal limits, we realized that clearing everything through the doctor first was the only way to go.) 10AM Contractions ~2 minutes apart but not so strong. 11:45AM I went to get a World Wrapp & stuff my face, and bought a cord to connect the mp3 player to the speakers...Kali is sitting tight, just had a mildly strong contraction. Waiting for Dr. Foltz to come give a word. Kali is really hungry, poor thing. Listening to Prokofiev's Concerto 1 in D Major.

12:30PM Dr. Foltz came in--the placenta previa has totally cleared so rather than a c-section we're going to go with natural vaginal birth (!). We're going to get full use of our doula now :) Kali is able to eat a bit, which makes her very happy. 4:10PM The labor/delivery nurse is encouraging us to get Pitosin going to induce labor. Kali called Anna who suggested trying nipple stimulation...trying that now. 5:20PM Kali spoke with Dr. Foltz and agreed to a little Pitocin to get the ball rolling. She's having it added to her IV now. Anna is on her way...things are going to get going soon I suspect! I've been watching "Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolf" on Netflix, good movie. 11:30PM Anna is here--very comforting. She knows just what to do to help Kali cope with the contractions, which are about 2 minutes apart now and difficult for Kali. She has had 2 half doses of Fentanyl and will get an epidural eventually. The pain spikes are bringing on some nausea. But next she'll do a few contractions on the toilet, then some time in the tub. Dr. Foltz says the baby will come at about 6AM. Cool beanz! I'm a little tired, but happy all is well so far.

(Kali's note: I wanted to try everything and get dilated to at least 5 before the epidural. We got to use the ball and the tub which I was very happy about. But by the time we hit the tub I was almost at my pain threshold limit and that turkey salad that I had so badly wanted earlier came back up. Aside from vomiting on my husband and doula, the transition from the tub to getting an epidural was smooth. I can see why women swear by them--it was a gigantic relief and to know that I had waited long enough on the dilation part also made me feel very good.)

9/9/09

4:10AM We've slept some since Kali's epidural (on & off for ~3 hours)... Kali is at 10cm and ready to go!!! Anna's going to come over and we'll do this thing. :)

4:30AM

This is where Ken stops writing. Baby's head hasn't molded to get through the pelvis so we're waiting another few hours to see the progression.

6:00AM

Checked again and head has molded so baby can come down through the birth canal. Real pushing to begin before the end of the hour.

6:30-8AM

Hard labor with major pushing. Ken and Anna on each side holding a leg. Dr. Foltz pops in and out to see progression. Fingers being placed at the opening so I can focus on a place to push and a 10-count are very helpful since there is a lack of feeling and after 24 hours of dilation--I'm very tired. Also lamenting the lack of core strength due to no exercise during pregnancy and the suspension of yoga due to "placenta previa" concerns.

~8AM Crowning

Touched baby's head. Intense stretching at the opening--they call it the "Ring of Fire." No shit. Haven't taken any labor/delivery prep so I am doing whatever the doula & the med staff say. Since I'm tired, there is a lot of pausing during the pushing which doesn't make it very effective in pushing baby out quick but it is stretching so there will be less chance of tearing or an episiotomy. At one point, they asked me if I wanted a mirror to "see" what was going on down there--"No! Let's focus people and get this baby out!" I said. I request them to tell me when contractions are coming (via the monitor) because the epidural interferes with me being able to feel them yet I can intensely feel the Ring of Fire--how is that possible? In my mind, I'm wishing the doctor would just pull the baby out--feels stuck. Finally one of the pushes gets baby's head clear which is a major relief to the Ring and to me since I am utterly exhausted. In the final pushes, Anna says to be "fierce" but my first thought is of Christian Siriano.

But that didn't quite do it. So I then thought of a great white shark and that seemed to do the trick. Never have I felt such relief as when the baby exited my body. Whew.

It was surreal as they pulled her out and Ken cut the cord. He had to double-check then announced what I had suspected the whole pregnancy, that we had a girl. "This is Sidney," he said. We had decided on the girl's name years ago (like on one of our first dates) but we had a list of 40 boys names--nothing really standing out above the rest. So that was a relief. They placed her on my chest and vigorously rubbed her and got her bundled up. She had a long cone shaped head and her face was sort of swollen. Ken cried and I would have too if not for the exhaustion. So I just gazed at her and just couldn't believe that I had given birth.

"Party of 3" Congratulations

Two great families added another member this week. The Mantooths of Tennessee and the Stewarts of Ballard.

Welcome to the world ladies! Lily Jolene Mantooth 3/25/09

Emerson Grace Stewart 3/28/09

Big Bros with new Little Bros

Two fantastic families that we have the pleasure of knowing on opposite ends of the country, welcomed new little brothers recently. We are so happy for Anne & Matt and Karen & Court. Evan born 4/30 with big bro Daniel Conor born 5/14 with big bro Brendan

Vaslow, Party of 3--Week 1

While we were away, Princess Hannah Vaslow arrived. Today she is one week old. We are so excited for Dan & Jill and can't wait to meet Ms. Hannah this weekend.

Jungbluth, party of 3

Congrats to Denise & Brett (Jo-jo) on the early arrival of Mr. Liam James!

The pictures are fantastic and it looks like I may even get to see him tomorrow.

Very excited to meet the newest Jungbluth.