Monday, February 01, 2016

Not pregnant, it's Resting Belly Paunch #rbp

Is 'resting belly paunch' a thing yet? It should be. You know that condition where you're standing and your back gets tired so you stick your tummy out? It's a tenant of bad posture but like 'resting bitch face' sometimes you just can't help it. Unfortunately, when I do it, I inevitably get asked if I'm pregnant.

Now, haven't we established that you never <ever> ask a woman if she's pregnant unless you are so sure that it's undeniable and even then, you check yourself before you wreck yourself? In the past, I've heard enough horror stories to the point that even if I'm reasonably sure (yet insatiably curious), I will say to the possibly pregnant woman, "How are you feeling?" For a pregnant woman, she will pick up on this and give you a status report. For a non-pregnant woman, this will be a thoughtful question of concern about her health or sleep patterns or thoughts on the state of the world. You get a little air cover just in-case you've made a bad judgement call.

But despite the potential mine field of guessing wrong, I have been asked if I am expecting with no hedging whatsoever, twice in the last 12 months and it shocks me. First because it's such a bold commitment on the asker's part but second, and more important, because I'm clearly doing something to invite this sort of questioning because the answer is unequivocally, no--just no. That's where the 'resting belly paunch' or #rbp comes in. Maybe my choice of wardrobe (less tailored clothes and more loose fitting sweaters) is adding to the confusion too--but it's winter and it's cold.

Honestly though, I'm proud of my #rbp. I have recently been going through archived photos for my mom's wedding slideshow and come across pictures from both my pregnancies where I was so obviously pregnant and huge. It's amazing that my frame even looks reasonably normal after all that now. The human body is amazing that way. I actually thought I was trimming up too with the Zumba, Barre, Yoga and stuff I do. Perplexing. But still, let this be yet another cautionary tale, the #rbp is real. Be warned, curious cats, and think a minute before you ask your questions.


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