Tuesday, March 11, 2014

You know that thing when you turn 40...

I loved my 30's so much. The foundations of my education, relationships, money management and goal setting manifested into a life I had always hoped for.  But more importantly, I left behind those awful 20's with the tumultuous, self-obsessed, bad judgement-making dizziness that is prominently displayed in HBO's GIRLS.

Yes, the 30's seem like the perfect age group.  As someone in their 30's, you have the experience and maturity to be trusted with responsibility but still retain an energetic vibe that keeps you connected to pop culture.  But once you turn 40, you're not quite as shiny, novel or hip.  At least that was the feeling I got looking at all the celebrity websites and magazines.  That soul-destroying, pride-crushing gossip culture can just suck the best-constructed self-confidence out of a room if you let it.  And a few months ago, when worrying about this milestone too much and not feeling good in my body, I let it.

Looking in the mirror sometimes, I think, who is that slightly doughy, tired lady with grey hairs, bringing her B-game to the dance floor?  Who is that?  I'm a little ashamed to admit this but the first time I saw Jessica Simpson's Weight Watcher's commercial, I kinda teared up.  Just the first 10 seconds.

She says,"This body made two amazing little human beings. I love this body and what it's capable of."

Holy s**t balls people...that's the perfect affirmation for moms (okay the ones who don't have personal trainers, dietitians and nannies on call 24/7).  So what I realized is that it was less about the milestone of 40 but where I was with things.  I realized that I just felt a little out of control and even though I carve some activities and moments out in a given week/month for myself, something was missing.

After noodling over it and talking with friends, I discovered that one of the "things" was challenging exercise.  On Suzanne's recommendation, I started going to a Barre class once a week (which has daycare too, booya!). So in addition to Zumba and Yoga, this helped round out my activity schedule, push myself in a more active way and strengthen that illusive core area that gets blown to bits after carrying babies around in it.  I am so grateful she suggested it.

And you know what, all that trepidation about 40 fell away because I felt like I was still in charge.  I've earned the right to be here.  I survived.  I contributed.  I organized.  I loved.  I partnered.  I gestated.  I felt feelings.  I saw things.  (Enough with the "I" statements--we're not in the 20's anymore.)

4-0, starting now.

No comments: